last friday i was sitting in my car in the rain in the bank parking lot waiting for one of my last high school friends to take her lunch break and i could feel the pause. i was trying to balance my future and people i love and i was waiting for your break so i could talk to you but i wouldn't say what i needed. it felt like things could pause there and i knew for then it would but the feeling always passes.
it should be a good thing to make a choice and i know i do have a choice and the good news is either way in a few months i will be leaving that much has to be true. but i don't want to be the one who stays. 22 is young but i swear to god it seems like everyone else has got their own things by now. i don't have my thing but i'm still stuck up in here and i guess the only thing i've got is the ability to quiet things down when i need to. nothing feels great but things are getting better and maybe i'm starting to pick up all the non-truths i've been leaving around. i just wish i could see if there's anything brighter. it seems like this was going to all feel better.