airbags suffocate, you need a little space

my thoughts are so unorganized. all weekend I've wanted to write about it but I can't put it here because I don't want everyone to read it but I can't just write it in a notebook because I need SOMEONE to know about it, to make it real. "it" is not anything particular, it's just all these thoughts and shit swirling around in my head.

a) i miss everything and nothing at the same time.
b) garden state, cranberry juice, and everything in transit are like my security blanket. i've been drowning myself in cranberry juice when i'm alone here.
c) YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU? it's okay, because I don't even get it. I really don't get why I have a problem with THAT at all, because in some ways I really don't have a problem with it at all... but to see people like you and you and you do that, when you are/were some of the closest people to me, it bothers me.
d) i need to be in a pit at a show right now. the day after the day after tomorrow.
e) fuckmylife.
f) today I unintentionally went through my external harddrive and looked through photos and video from the last few years. i actually noticed where I shifted into a slightly different person. it wasn't when i thought it was. everything is measurable by summers.
g) i want someone to be proud of me, i've gone four months.
h) i am still probably the most jealous and annoying person i've ever come across.
i) I am going to watch garden state now.