this summer feels wasted in every sense but maybe it's not. maybe i'll look back and it'll seem different. every summer can't be the same. last year i wished for different things but hey here i am missing two jobs and oprah behind the scenes and sushi and walking. this won't be another summer of oprah and sushi but maybe it can be the summer of dumplings and pretty little liars (i'm addicted to both of those things). maybe it can be the summer of being overwhelmed and scared and hey a little frustrated (yikes!) but maybe it can also be the summer of some of the first choices that will set me on my way. i'm supposed to spend two weeks on the other side of the mountains next month (i don't want to) but like my mom said maybe it'll be the new best thing to happen to me (i don't think she's listening). i just expect my down home august and my salt water september, i expect to suck the life out of it and save a little for next year but i think i've run out. it feels like i've been to the doctor more times in the past month than i've been in the last three years. the last month's been a blur of waiting rooms and interstates and thunderstorms and half asleeps. i wonder a lot why i don't pay attention to photography like I used to. i don't care about it like i used to and i don't put out really any effort at all. i used to care a lot. for gods sake i could only take pictures on the water or in my bedroom or in the car i could do anything but i'm not. last weekend we went to your brother's wedding (he's the first one to go) and we got nice and drunk and danced and danced and practically harassed the photographers, we were THOSE girls but I felt SO GOOD. let's stay happy could we? let's not leave or let's only leave to get happy. i could use some fresh friends and fresh habits and a new place to land. let's make it ok that this is not the way we pictured it!