things are settling down in my mind, i just want to write that everywhere.

i think this has got to be the first time i've been committed to making the best of this, or at least stop feeling so sorry for myself.

someday, i will see clearly the reason everything fell into place like this in the last couple years and the next couple ones coming and I know it will all be worth it.

I keep thinking about that day when we were stranded at that house that we lived in for a week or so and it was so cloudy and almost cold but our pool was so hot! i hooked my ipod up to the speakers and all my recent musical fascinations provided the soundtrack for my drowning practice and your cannon balls and I hope I don't ever forget that morning when Max was still there and we were all watching juno, the three of us, and I wandered outside because I love how California smells especially in the morning and I turned on the outdoor speakers and listened to the scene right after she gives birth and I dangled my feet in the deep end.

i'm always forgetting to let the calm in like that.