this is the last straw

I'm not sure how I feel about my birthday. It was a good day, it went by fast. It came up so fast and I couldn't figure out if I was dreading this shift or looking forward to it, I guess it has its pros and cons. Today all these people came out of the woodwork to wish me a happy birthday and at first it made me feel so good, it made me feel like all these people actually do care a lot about me and I'm really never actually as alone as I think I am. Then I started thinking, where are all these people the other 364 days of the year? And then those people I thought were some of my closest friends? I didn't hear from them today. Some of you, I haven't heard from in weeks or months. YOU, you, this was the last straw for you. For about a year I've been done coming to you and I left it up to you to keep this thing together and it's all fallen apart and even when I do try to hold onto whatever this weird relationship we have is, I can feel it so intensely slipping through my fingers. So this is your last straw, and I obviously never meant as much to you as you did to me. I think you're an asshole and you use people with disregard towards their feelings as you use the same lines over and over. I'm closing in on the last bonus track on my favorite album and thinking about my day and my year and my upcoming year. This one needs to be better than the last. Eighteen just didn't cut it, and honestly I don't know how nineteen could not be better. It will be better if I MAKE it be better.
you watched that poor girl waste the best years of her life,