I've been feeling like I should write something but there is just nothing right to say because it all either is melodramatic or it just solidifies everything and makes it all the way real. But really, fuck all of this. All I could think of was the scene in Garden State and I understood the circumstance where it is appropriate to climb on top of a tractor in the pouring rain and yell at the absolute top of your lungs. I keep thinking of my favorite films and then telling myself, no this is not anything like that. This is not anything like that. This is not anything like that. It would be nice to have some people to fall back on, I hate that I always have to do this this way. Actually, I've never done this, it's all new. It's all new and I'm all angry and I'm PARALYZED by fear and self loathing and I CAN'T MOVE.