1) what a good feeling to know you can always get on the freeway and watch the trees change until you're somewhere very different
2) you would think after 22 years i'd be used to the spin but god dammit i've been dizzy. it's a combination of actual recurring motion sickness and thoughts spinning around it's getting real repetitive and i do not care for it.
3) i hope we're not all actually on the long road to the middle.
4) i won't forget when we were drunk enough to feel pretty good and we were walking through that crowded street and our ho's and hey's kept colliding but that was a thing that made my insides feel so golden.
5) over and over i end up yelling at myself in my head "BUCK UP!" you can't float around all day so deflated.
6) realizing the worst kind of mean drunk might be the kind that's just really mean to yourself.
7) go home, come up for air, take stock.
8) at one time you felt hopeful like "IT CAN BE SO GOOD."
9) but then you also felt like "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck"
10) what do you do with the urge to create when you're pretty sure you're an artist without a medium
11) I wish I wrote down all the nicest things anyone's said to me because they all came out of your mouth when we were laying in your bed.
12) it seems like it's been a year of me making notes to self to use my film cameras
13) I can't make sense of all those highways and empty spaces.
14) big windows and salt water and fresh air will probably help but they're certainly not the cure
15) at least i'm not feeling empty and deflated but i feel like i'm bursting now in the worst way and i wish there was anything to do other than taking whatever combination of these pills that will get my body to sleep
16) i'm sick of salinger quotes stuck in my head and leaving leaving leaving
17) the feeling of being in motion again
18) i'm ready to do things on my own terms